I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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