I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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