I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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