why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
