ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
