Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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