ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!