If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.