She is in my trunk
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
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he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.