Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
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does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
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Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then