dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
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about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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