you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him