The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
ra ra ra ah ah
sexting lady gaga style
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS