Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.