AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
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He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.