Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
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Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
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I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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