Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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