Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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