I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
