it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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