Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
