i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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