Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
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So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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