im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
