i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
