Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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