My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
