i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
