i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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