I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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