It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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