He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
