what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
