i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
