Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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