Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
