Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
