im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
