Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
