Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
