U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
