Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
birth control should be required to get into college
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
