My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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