I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
