got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
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They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
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Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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