she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
