so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
