I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
They took my balls.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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