He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
