Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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