somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
