May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
