Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
