I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Less talking, more tequila
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
