I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
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So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize