one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's get the cat blown out
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
