god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
