I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
