He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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