Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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