I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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