my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dick very happy bro
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
