this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
