We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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