Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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