a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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