you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
A+ Viking dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
