Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
