kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
