She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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